The 100 Best Dirty Parenting Jokes and Memes for Adults [Update 2023] - The (mostly) simple life (2023)

Dirty dad jokes... They can certainly be funnier than your traditional sense of humor and funnier than simple dad jokes. Many people would agree that dirty jokes are underrated, especially when paired with dad jokes. We hope you enjoy this collection of dirty dad jokes and memes that we've put together for you to browse:

My colleague hates when I shorten his name to D*ck. Especially since his name is Josh.

And a slightly different version of that dirty dad joke:

When a couple has sex, they are a couple. When three people do this, it's a threesome. Now I know why someone called you handsome.

I organized a threesome last night. Unfortunately, two of us didn't show up. We still have a lot of fun.

A parent walks up to a food truck and sees the menu:
Burger: $8
Apples: $4
Labor: $20.
He asks the pretty woman who works on the truck, "Are you the one doing the handjob?" "Yes," the woman replies with a big smile.
The father replies, "Well, could you wash your hands?" I want a hamburguer.

I just watched a Netflix documentary about marijuana. I loved it, and actually... I truly believe that this is how all documentaries should be viewed.
(This documentation ishochon my favorites list).

Skipping a lowercase letter in a text message can ruin a marriage. During a business trip to Las Vegas, the father wrote to his wife late one night: "I'm having a great time. I wish you were her."

In a wealthy family, the butler asks the father for a raise. The father asks, "Why should I give you a raise?"
Butler: “There are two reasons. The first is that someone said that I am a better cook than you."
Dad: "Who said that?"
Butler: "Your wife."
Father: "ummm"
Butler: "The second reason is that I love you more"
Dad: "And who said that?" my wife???"
Butler: "No, the nanny."
Dad: "Okay... how much money do you want?"

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I saw my wife, very drunk, yelling at the TV. "Don't go in there! Don't go to that church, you idiot!" I think she watched our wedding video again, she must really love me.

My phone keeps automatically correcting "fvck" to "down". Alright, it's still bird talk.

A stoner just used my to-do list to roll a joint. It is now at the top of my priority list.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or that you are "burning out". I no longer like the local fire department because of this experience.

A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. The male whale recognized the ship that had captured her father's whale a year ago. He asks the female whale, "Let's both get under the boat, get the air out of the vents, and that might capsize the boat." They go on and successfully accomplish this - the trawler sinks. However, the ship's sailors manage to swim out and almost make it to shore. Disappointed that he was able to escape, the male pleaded with the female, "Let's catch them and eat them." But this time, the female doesn't want to go on: "Look, I gave you the blowjob exactly how you wanted it, but I really don't want to swallow the sailors."

Dad said attendance trophies shouldn't exist. That's when I tore up the Confederate flag.

My son is reaching an age where he is very curious about the human body. I think I have to move it now.

My best friend is addicted to taking blurry photos in the shower. He has serious selfie steam issues.

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, seedy strip club because I might see something I was never supposed to see. But I went anyway. And when I was there, I saw my father.

A mother asks her husband: "How many women have you slept with?"
Dad replies, "One, two, three, four, you, five, then six...six in all."

We just found out that grandpa is now addicted to Viagra. We told him to call the Viagra addiction hotline, but had no luck convincing him to follow the steps.

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My friend said they were going to do a colon. It turned out after she found out more that she was full of shit.

My friend asked me, "Is cutting the crust off bread like cutting a sandwich?" I said, "No, cutting the crust doesn't remove the cheese.

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What is the scientific/medical name of Viagra?

A mother goes to the doctor because her husband no longer seems interested in her. After the birth of 3 children, the couple struggles with intimacy. The doctor prescribes Viagra, but the mother says that the father will not take the pill. The doctor recommends giving the father a pill with coffee without attracting attention.
A few days later, the mother returns to the doctor in a rage.
"Didn't it work?" asks the doctor.
"It was terrible", replies the mother... "He drank the coffee, then he threw everything on the table, he tore off my skirt and he made up with me on the spot".
Confused, the doctor asked, "Isn't that what you wanted?"
Mom: "But now I can never go to Starbucks again!"

Last week I hired a philosopher whore. She surprised me on so many levels.

Why did this guy ask his escort for a refund? He said that the explosion was not worth the money.

My wife asked me if I was really the only one I had ever been with... I told her the others were eights, nines and tens.

My wife tried to sleep with me on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I turned it down. If I'm going to do this, it must be on my own terms.

I am divorcing my wife and the judge has ruled that she keeps half of my stash of marijuana. I hate joint custody.

What do you get when you hit Santa's balls? A white Christmas!

My in-laws are pantomime. They do unspeakable things. It is very confusing when they visit me.

I had to go to the doctor because I had a lot of irregular bowel movements. I was diagnosed with all kinds of weird things.

A woman is walking naked through the house when she suddenly hears the doorbell ring. She asks, "Who is this?" A man replies "he is the blind one". Reassured, the woman opens the door. The man stares at them, hesitates for a moment, then says, " where do I put these blinds?"

Why do chickens put their underwear on their heads? Because your penis is in your face.

If there's only one pimp in a whole town, that's a monopoly!

Why is it called a dad joke? If they were called mom jokes, they would have a chance to be really funny.

Chicken eggs are a work of perfection. Because? Because they fuck without a dick.

I asked my dad about dad's dirty jokes, but quickly realized he was too old to tell them.

A father told his son that he accidentally killed ten people in Iraq. His son responded with a question.
"I thought you were an airplane mechanic?" But the father admits: "I was not good...!"

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What do you call the beads of sweat on your father's scrotum after sleeping with your cousin? RH.

When I was in high school, my dad showed me why I should wear a condom in a 10-minute video. But how did he get videos of me for that?

My dad's golfing friends started using their penises instead of golf clubs. He always said that he had never seen a dick without a hole. Your results improved a lot after making the switch.

The men die two deaths. The first is when they go bald.

My father gives terrible advice. Before I left for college, he reminded me that the difference between a lobster with tits and a downtown bus shelter is that one is a busty crustacean and the other is a crunchy bus shelter.

A man died of a stroke while being intimate with his wife, and his wife didn't realize it until she ordered a drink afterwards.

I will never forget my father's last moments with me. He yelled… "No, wait! It's break time!" That was the last time I saw my dad, he always wanted me to go into the family elevator repair business.

What is the difference between a vampire and an anemia? One sucks blood and the other sucks blood.
I knew I was becoming like my father when I saw the disappointed look in my mother's eyes.

A mosquito's grandfather became a divorce lawyer. He used to be a bloodsucking parasite, but now he has a briefcase.

I was shocked by my parents' divorce, after years of describing their marriage as "like Christmas." Later I found out that what they meant was that they only came once a year.

A cannibal and his fussy son are sitting at the table. The cannibal says, "Your mother cooked long and hard to make this food, and I hope you will eat it."

Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Woman: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time.

My dad only knows how to tell the best masturbation jokes. He says that cvm always manages to make people laugh.

A father tells his wife: "The boys from the Gulf said that our postman slept with every woman on this street except one...". His wife replies, "I bet it's Claire!"

I asked my wife to tell me something that would make me happy and sad at the same time. My wife said that my penis was a little bigger than my brother's.

I recently found a lot of money. This is unusual for me because I often use Kleenex for the same reason.

What is the difference between mature and used 365 condoms? One is a good year, the other a great year.

What is the main difference between a cheating buck and an anorexic slut? One of them is a fake braggart...

What is the difference between a walrus and a 19th century whore? One is furry and smells like rotten fish and the other is just a walrus.

My father always taught me that it's better to eat lobster at the piano than shrimp at the organ."

The chances of someone curing their serious eating disorder through religious processes are slim.

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The worst thing you can feel during your annual prostate exam is two hands resting on your shoulders.

If sleeping with someone for money is the definition of a prostitute, then I guess it could be a non-profit prostitute organization.

"It's a boy," the man exclaimed, tears rolling down his face. At that time he decided not to visit Thailand again.

What's the difference between a Clint Eastwood line and a lot of anal sex? One will make your day, the other will weaken your hole (for the whole week).

My parents divorced when my mother found out that my father was actually a Nazi. She should have known it when she saw all the red flags.

If a Frenchman has a great body and scruffy face, then Baguette.

What name can you give a rabbit with a crooked limb? Fuck funny.

How many Indian phone scammers does it take to change a light bulb? The entire call center, and they're usually yelling nonsense while they're at it.

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around them.

How many DIY chandeliers does it take to change a light bulb? Thankfully only one, but it also takes six weeks and forty trips to the store to change them. This is the worst.

I read that in Sweden you have to turn on your headlights by law, but how do I know if it's raining in Sweden? I can't be in two places at once... Am I missing something?

I was addicted to hokey pokey... but I managed.

I don't trust stairs. They are really clever. They always have plans.

My son just asked, "Can I have a marker?" I burst into tears my son is 11 years old and he still thinks my name is Mark!

When I was a teenager, my father was fired from his job as a bricklayer for stealing. So I went home and all the signs were back.

What do you call a toothless bear? Gummy bear.

Have you ever heard of the nurse being chewed by the doctor for missing the gauze pad?

If athletes get athlete's foot, what happens to astronauts? rocket nozzle

My wife just asked me to sync her new phone, so I threw it into the Pacific Ocean.

My wife was upset that I had no sense of direction. I packed up my things and walked straight and then got lost.

What did one cannibal say to another while eating a clown? Does that taste weird to you?

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How can you call a person without a body and without a nose? Nobody knows.

People always say nose picking but I'm pretty sure I had no choice and was born with my own.

Fun Tweet – Check out this tweet below for some great ideas:

A photographer died in a freak accident today when a large chunk of cheddar cheese fell on him. Be

To be fair, the people pictured tried to warn you.

February can march? No, but April can.

Have you noticed that I love mean puns? Sorry, but that's eye-rolling.

If you witnessed an armed robbery at an Apple Phone Store, would you be an iWitness?

What did the professional drummer name his twins? Ana one, Ana two...

What is a magician's favorite computer software? spelling checker.

I spent some time admiring the beautiful herb garden that I had a few years ago. Good thyme.

I am reading chapter four of a horror story in Braille. Something terrible is about to happen, believe me, I can feel it!

My best friend wants to be an archaeologist, but I'm trying to talk him out of it. I am convinced that if he chooses this career, his life will be a disaster.

Unfortunately, a can of Coca-Cola hit me on the head. But don't worry, nothing hurts me. It was just a soda.

Do you intend to cook this week? Make sure you don't forget the cucumber. It's a big dill.

Justice is a dish that is served cold. If it were at room temperature, wouldn't it be just water?

A pun on steak is weird, but wait? Doesn't that make it a steak pun done right?

I regret buying shoes from a dealer. I've been traveling all day. I think they were mixed with something.

Not exactly dirty, but it's a funny dad joke (over 120,000 likes!)

The stars play pranks on dad

And finally, to end on a high note, check out these dad jokes from Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg:

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